10 famous quotes mangled by Apple QuickType

We tried to use iOS 8's QuickType predictive typing to recreate 10 beloved quotes from the worlds of film, music and literature. The results were mixed

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  • iOS 8 beta review QuickType 1000 QuickType disasters
  • QuickType 05 Macbeth 1000 Macbeth
  • QuickType 01 Austen 1000 Jane Austen
  • QuickType 02 Bond 1200 James Bond
  • QuickType 03 Dickens 1000 Dickens
  • QuickType 04 Wordsworth 1000 Daffodils
  • QuickType 06 Liberty 1000 Statue of Liberty
  • QuickType 07 Pythagoras 1000 Pythagoras
  • QuickType 08 Churchill 1000 Winston Churchill
  • QuickType 09 Smiths 1000 The Smiths
  • QuickType 10 Gladiator 1000 Gladiator
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10 QuickType disasters

We love the fact that, as part of the iOS 8 update, Apple made improvements to the system keyboard: iPad and iPhone owners were falling behind their Android counterparts in this area and it was high time for a change. It's great that Apple users can now install third-party system keyboards without jailbreaking their devices, and it's also great that the default keyboard has more advanced whole-word predictive typing.

However. This new predictive system - called QuickType - isn't without its eccentricities, as iOS 8 users have been discovering. Try to type whole sentences by selecting one of the three suggested words each time and you're likely to produce quite a bit of nonsense. QuickType seems to obsess over certain concepts (getting your hair, nails and makeup done comes up a lot, in this iOS user's experience for one) and it often gets itself into a repetitive loop.

It would be unfair to expect a consumer predictive typing feature to show human intelligence, of course, but that doesn't stop us having a little fun. So we decided to try to recreate a few famous quotes from the worlds of film, music, literature and politics, by manually inputting the first part of the quote (the bit in bold) and then relying on QuickType's suggestions to finish it off.

Read: How to use keyboards in iOS 8: Master the new QuickType & Swype keyboard options on your iPhone or iPad

Read these advanced iOS 8 tips you don’t know yet

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Next Prev iOS 8 beta review QuickType 1000

We love the fact that, as part of the iOS 8 update, Apple made improvements to the system keyboard: iPad and iPhone owners were falling behind their Android counterparts in this area and it was high time for a change. It's great that Apple users can now install third-party system keyboards without jailbreaking their devices, and it's also great that the default keyboard has more advanced whole-word predictive typing.

However. This new predictive system - called QuickType - isn't without its eccentricities, as iOS 8 users have been discovering. Try to type whole sentences by selecting one of the three suggested words each time and you're likely to produce quite a bit of nonsense. QuickType seems to obsess over certain concepts (getting your hair, nails and makeup done comes up a lot, in this iOS user's experience for one) and it often gets itself into a repetitive loop.

It would be unfair to expect a consumer predictive typing feature to show human intelligence, of course, but that doesn't stop us having a little fun. So we decided to try to recreate a few famous quotes from the worlds of film, music, literature and politics, by manually inputting the first part of the quote (the bit in bold) and then relying on QuickType's suggestions to finish it off.

Read: How to use keyboards in iOS 8: Master the new QuickType & Swype keyboard options on your iPhone or iPad

Read these advanced iOS 8 tips you don’t know yet

 

10 QuickType disasters: Macbeth

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, but it would be nice to see you soon and I'm not sure what to wear

Act 5, scene 5. Macbeth's soliloquoy on the death of his wife gets a new upbeat ending.

Read: Best iOS 8 keyboard apps for iPhone and iPad

 

10 QuickType disasters: Pride & Prejudice

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a sudden urge to watch this movie

Pride & Prejudice's famous opening line is transformed into the tagline for a film trailer.

 

10 QuickType disasters: Casino Royale

"A dry Martini," Bond said. "In a deep champagne goblet. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice cold, then you can get the hang of it and I love you so much

We quite like this gushing, reassuring version of Bond.

 

10 QuickType disasters: A Tale of Two Cities

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the only way to go to sleep and wake up at the same time

Sort of makes sense.

 

10 QuickType disasters: Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills
When all at once I got the job

Hooray! Wordsworth can stop wasting his life writing poetry.

An alternative, slightly longer version, which illustrates QuickType's tendency to get stuck in a loop:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills
When all at once and for the first time in the first time I try to get my money back to the best thing ever is when you get to see the point of view of the best thing ever is when you get to see the point of view of the best thing ever is when you get to see the point of view of the best thing ever is when you get to see the point of view of the best thing ever is when

 

10 QuickType disasters: The Statue of Liberty

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to get my hair done tomorrow

This is QuickType's take on 'The New Colossus', the sonnet (by Emma Lazarus) engraved at the foot of the Statue of Liberty.

If you give QuickType the chance, by the way, it will always change the subject into hairdressing.

 

10 QuickType disasters: Pythagoras

The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the square of my favourite thing about being a girl

This is my favourite one here, I think. Obviously this is based on an English approximation of the Pythagorean theorem.

 

10 QuickType disasters: Winston Churchill

We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in my head hurts so bad

From the second of Churchill's three great speeches of 1940.

 

10 QuickType disasters: The Smiths

A death for no reason and death for no reason is the best thing ever

From 'Meat is Murder' by The Smiths, a furious denunciation of meat-eating. QuickType seems basically fine with animal slaughter.

 

10 QuickType disasters: Gladiator

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the armies of the North, general of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and the best of luck to my friends and family

The spine-tingling bit near the end of Gladiator where Russell Crowe's character reveals his true identity and puts the frighteners on Joaquin Phoenix. This rewrite is somewhat jollier.

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