You will be pleased to know that Apple products now come pre-doomed for your convenience. This time-saving service is brought to us this week by TechnoBuffalo's Todd Haselton.

"Is The Apple Watch Already Doomed?" (indirect link and tip o' the antlers to Hugo Kessler)

Just askin'.

There's been a ton of crazy news coming out this week...

And you know what crazy news leads to: crazy analysis! Whoo-hoo! [slide whistle] [seltzer bottle]

...in regards to Apple's sapphire partner GT Advanced Technologies. It's making me wonder if the Apple Watch is doomed.

Of course it is.

"I've heard that Marvel is canceling the Fantastic Four. It's making me wonder if the Apple Watch is doomed."

Ha. The Macalope wrote that before he realized it's a Doctor Doom joke.

Here's what's going down...

The 411. The haps. The word that one might take to one's mother.

...earlier this week GT Advanced Technologies announced it was filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Aaand that's it. So doomed.

Then a court document from the company surfaced that suggests its partnership with Apple may be to blame for its failed business.

According to who? Oh, that's right. The executives of GT Advanced Technologies. Well, they certainly wouldn't have any reason to shift blame from themselves, would they?

It called its agreement with Apple's both burdensome and oppressive...

And, presumably, Apple is like Hydra in that it captures a member of your family and holds them hostage until you agree to do its nefarious bidding. No one would deny that. Well, they wouldn't except that Apple might harm their family members.

What's this mean for the Apple Watch? I don't know yet...

Which is why I sat down to write about it. I started with the headline and then the rest just flowed.

...but it seems pretty gloomy.

Don't you mean "doomy"?

The low-end Sports version of the Apple Watch does not, of course, even come with a sapphire crystal so it won't be affected at all. The ones that do are going to be more expensive and will, most likely, ship in smaller volumes. Is it a problem? Yeah, probably. Which in the world of reporting about Apple means it's doomed. QED.

Read more Macalope!

The Macalope: Keeping it real. Or, When Apple derangement ruins an argument

The Macalope: Delayed: Reports assume a lot based on very little

The Macalope: 1920 called. Or, Raging against the Apple iPhone machine

The Macalope: The outrage gap. Or, How Apple always gets top billing

The Macalope: Smartphone subsidies are just a fact of modern life