Sometimes the Apple fail is so intense, it ripples forward into time and affects products the company hasn't even announced yet. Yes, it's another quarter and another delay of things that don't even exist.

"Larger Apple iPad to Be Delayed" (tip o' the antlers to @GadgetGav)

The Macalope's not even sure who's supposed to be upset by this "news." Corporate customers? Who's supposed to be crying out for these things? The horny one is mystified.

One wonders if the Journals sources are the same sources that said early this year that the iPhone 6 Plus was in "preliminary development" and that Apple would scrap the iPhone 5c. Or if they're the same sources that said in August that Apple wasn't sure what material the screen on the iPhone 6 Plus would be made from.

The linked piece is by the Wall Street Journal and the Macalope hasn't read it because heck if he's going to get a subscription to the Journal just so he can find out about the utter fail of "delayed" products that have no known shipping date.

Fortunately, because web journalism is a gigantic link machine seemingly run by a pack of yipping toy poodles, we can easily find a site that's written up the Journals report. As @SammyWalrusIV quipped:

Business Insider is running a Reuters article that copies a WSJ article about a delayed iPad that hasn't been announced.

New Journalism 2.0

If you've failed to subscribe because you're not an investment banker, the son of a railroad tycoon, Mr. Monopoly, or C. Montgomery Burns, the only bit of the Journals piece you can read is this:

Apple suppliers have pushed back plans to mass produce a larger-screen tablet to early next year, people familiar with the matter said, as they struggle to make enough new iPhones to meet strong demand.

Seems like the subject in the first sentence is incorrect.

For more insanity, though, let's go to someone who supposedly read the Journal's piece. Like, say, The Telegraph's Katherine Rushton.

The Californian technology giant originally planned to make the larger iPad widely available in December, according to the Wall Street Journal.

Wait, these sources say Apple was going to ship these things in December? Are any of these sources a Stooge, by any chance?

Actually, turns out, funny story, this is just a case of translation garbling. As Jason Snell notes, the Journal said Apple had planned to "produce the larger iPad in mass volume beginning in December," not make them "widely available."

This is, alas, how the sausage that is Apple rumors is made: unidentifiable pieces of things thrown into a grinder and churned around until something that looks almost nothing like the input comes out the other end.