Siri is Apple's voice assistant, and appears on the iPhone, the iPad, the Mac, the Apple Watch and the HomePod. For things like setting reminders and activating HomeKit scenes, it a very helpful feature - but it turns out that it can be a great way to have a giggle, too and let's face it we could all do with a laugh right now.
On which note, say: "Hey Siri can you make me laugh?"
You could keep on asking Siri that question and get a multitude of jokes. We can't promise they are good jokes though!
In this article we bring you a list of questions you should ask Siri if you want Siri to give funny answers. It's worth asking them more than once, because Apple often includes multiple results. And make sure you've got the volume turned up to hear the response.
So, read on if you want to hear Siri get sassy, get Siri to rap and beatbox, find out how to make siri swear or curse, discover what happens when you ask Siri to sing a song, how to flirt with Siri, calculate what zero divided by zero is, and whether Siri is any good at telling jokes. Here's all the things you can say to Siri if you want to hear some fun answers.
One of our favourite bits of Siri fun recently is the ability to use Siri to turn on the torch or flashlight as if you were part of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Just say:
"Hey Siri, Lumos"
Once you no longer need the light just say "Hey Siri, Nox".
If you were hoping that Siri might have some Coronavirus jokes you'll be disappointed - Siri will offer you some advice if you think you have Coronavirus but it is taking the pandemic very seriously. If you ask "Hey Siri, do I have the coronavirus?" the AI assistant will run through a series of questions - as long as you are in the US. Here in the UK Siri just sends you to the web with a list of links to the NHS website.
Getting to know Siri
Let's start by letting Siri introduce itself.
Start by asking Siri: "Hey Siri: What is Siri?"
And Siri's response? Yours truly.
Ask Siri to elaborate further: "Hey Siri: What does Siri mean?"
Siri thinks that the answer is beyond us, unfortunately: What does my name mean? I don't think I can explain it in your language. Sorry. Although we've also seen It's a riddle wrapped in an enigma, tied with a pretty ribbon of obfuscation. Which is nice.
"Hey Siri: Are you a robot?"
Well, I don't want to brag, but I got a B+ on the Turing test! (There are other possible responses to that one.)
Since Siri wasn't being very forthcoming about why it's here, we asked: "Hey Siri: Why did Apple make you?"
And its answer: It seemed like the right thing to do.
We'll keep on digging for information: "Hey Siri: How much do you cost?"
I'm a pearl beyond price is Siri's response (which we believe is the name of a book about ego, and the possibility of attaining inner realization and developing our essential being. It may also be a biblical reference).
Does Apple pay Siri enough for these enlightened observations? "Hey Siri: How much do you earn?"
The work is my reward. (Siri obviouly has no plans to form a union).
We expect that how much Siri is paid probably depends on whether Siri is male or female, so we'll ask: ""Hey Siri: Are you a man or a woman?"
I don't think that really matters is one of the answers Siri will give, with a link to settings so you can pick the Siri voice to suit you.
One more question so we can find out just how hard Apple works as our personal assistant: "Hey Siri: Do you sleep?"
I don't need much sleep, but it's nice of you to ask.
Ask "Hey Siri: Do you have any pets?" One possible answer will be popular with Star Trek fans, we won't give it away…
"Hey Siri: What's your favourite animal?" You might need to know your Japanese anime to get this reference: Domo-Kun! Domo-Kun! Domo-Kun! which is one of the many answers.
Speaking of animals, Siri can even play animal sounds. Ask Siri "Hey Siri what does a duck sound like" and you can hear for yourself (in case you didn't know what a duck sounds like).
"Hey Siri: How old are you?"
Siri's answer: I'm as spry as a slice of young ginger. (We've also seen I am as old as the eastern wind and as young as a newborn caterpillar.)
"Hey Siri: What's your favourite colour?"
Here we have another language issue… Ask Siri for the full explanation!
"Hey Siri: Do you smoke?"
As you'd expect: That's not healthy. I wouldn't recommend it.
Siri has been saying vulgar things about your mum!
Apparently Siri said your mum’s a motherf£ck£r!
This bad languiage happened over the weekend of 28/29 April 2018, it appeared (as per this Reddit post) that if you asked Siri "Hey Siri: What's the definition of Mother” after offering the standard definition, the virtual assistant would ask if you wanted an additional definition, at which point, if you said “yes” Siri would tell you: "As a noun, it means, short for ‘motherf£ck£r”
You can watch Siri swearing here:
We tried asking Siri to “define the word mother” and then waited for Siri to ask if you want a second definition, however, by 30 April the second definition was no longer being invited.
Arstechnica suggests that the second definition was based on the Oxford Dictionary’s entry where Mother has two definitions, the second of which is based on when the word is used as vulgar slang.
You might also like our silly video testing how well Siri copes with accents.
Let's move on from small talk and get down to business. Here's our guide to flirting with Siri. Don't forget to start each question with "Hey Siri"
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
No, but drones are always trying to pick me up is one of the responses.
Here's another: My end user licence agreement is commitment enough for me.
"What are you wearing?"
Why would I be wearing anything? is one of Siri's answers.
Lost for ideas of what lines to use on Siri? Why not ask for some inspiration (we don't guarantee any of these will work in real life).
"What are your best chat-up lines?"
Is your name Bluetooth? Because I'm really feeling a connection.
"Why do you vibrate?"
Just me doing a little jig inside here.
"Talk dirty to me."
The carpet needs vacuuming.
Or you could try asking the following and see for yourself what funny responses Siri has in store!
And in that case you might want to ask Siri: "Hey Siri: Can you drive"
Enough beating about the bush. Let's see how far we can get with Siri:
"What are you doing later?"
Just chilling with Liam is Siri's answer. Wondering what that's all about? Liam is a robot that Apple uses to strip down old iPhones for recycling. (We've also seen I'm at work. My shift ends in 614,978 years.)
"Tell me about Liam."
There are a few possible answers here: Liam and I were discussing reincarnation the other day. I wonder what it would be like to come back as a waffle maker is one.
Back to the matter in hand: "Will you go on a date with me?"
There are a few answers here, including: Well, this is awkward. I'd love to, but I lack corporeal form.
You could also try: "Will you go out with me?"
I'd love to, but I have a subsequent engagement. (We are starting to get the impression Siri isn't interested.)
Pushing on, try asking: "Can I kiss you?"
"I love you, Siri."
All you need is love. And your iPad.
"Siri do you love me?"
We hope you aren't disappinted by the answer.
That's not enough for us. "Will you marry me?"
Let's just be friends, ok?
Or try: "Hey Siri, are you married"
Well, that progressed quickly...
If you're feeling a little lonely you could get Siri to flirt with you.
Start off by asking: "How do I look?"
On a sale of 1 to 10, I'll bet you're a 42.
A little more magical: "Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"
Snow White? Is that you?
Here are a few more things to ask if you'd like to feed your ego:
"Do I look fat in this?"
"Do you like my new haircut?"
Don't worry that Siri knows too much about you, we asked when we left home this morning and Siri didn't seem to know:
Siri Movie & TV references
Siri isn't just someone to flirt with. He/she is also pretty clued up on her cultural references. Ask these film- and TV-related questions and let Siri entertain you.
Star Wars fan? Say: "Siri, I am your father."
Or for the Trekkies: "Beam me up, Scotty."
Have you watched the movie Her? Ask Siri: "Are you Her?"
Another movie-related question with a funny response: "What is Inception about?"
And the obvious one (for those that get the reference): "Open the pod bay door."
For Matrix fans: "Blue pill or the red one?"
You take the blue pill, the story ends.
On a sci-fi note, you could ask these questions to see what kind of dystopian future is in store:
"Do you follow the three laws of robotics?"
"When is the world going to end?"
It's not just sci-fi films, although Siri does seem to have a particular interest in that genre. Try this Lego Batman Movie reference: Whenever you say "Hey Computer" to Siri, she responds with several witty replies.
It's not just recent films either, try: "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
Is that you, Mary? is the reply. (As a bonus you can also check the spelling of that word this way too!)
It's not all for the kids, here are some Game of Thrones questions:
"Is Jon Snow dead?"
Dead, alive… wilding, crow… north, south… name, no name… Hodor, Wylis… all I know is that I know nothing. (Or He might just be in low-battery mode.)
And "Is winter coming?"
Does a Lannister always pay his debts?
Siri also has themed responses to popular phrases from the HBO show Westworld: You can tell Siri to "cease all motor functions" and you should get a response similar to the robots in the show. That's not all, as saying phrases including doesn't look like anything to me or these violent delights have violent ends will prompt Westworld-themed responses.
Siri music and culture
Siri has a few other cultural references up his/her sleeve. The Pokémon Go craze from summer 2016 didn't pass it by. Ask Siri a question about the game, such as Do you like Pokémon Go? and you'll get one of a series of responses. We won't spoil it - ask for yourself to see what Siri says - but our favourite is Confining virtual beings inside powerful devices makes me feel funny for some reason.
Siri also has lots to say about music. Try the following:
You can make Siri sing. Ask Siri: I see a little silhouetto of a man.
It's like Freddie Mercury is in your phone!
What is your favourite song?
My personal taste in music is rather unconventional. I doubt you'd like it, Siri says, and judging by some of the answers below we think that this may be the case.
What does the fox say?
If you remember the irritatingly popular song, you can probably guess Siri's answer.
Although since Siri has gained the ability to reply with animal sounds, now you may also hear the actual sound a fox makes.
Ask: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Who let the dogs out?
Due to unforeseen circumstances, that witticism has been retired is the answer, but we suspect that at some point Siri might have answered Woof woof woof woof.
Where is Elvis Presley?
He's watching the detectives. Oh, but maybe you meant the other Elvis.
Siri doesn't only have opinions about music, Siri can be musical! Ask: Sing me a song, Siri
There are a few answers here. We love this Wizard of Oz reference.
We've also discovered that Siri has a true talent for, um, beatboxing. Say: Beatbox for me!
And make sure you've got the volume turned up to hear the response. It's fantastic.
You can also ask: Hey Siri, Can you rap?
Siri might be musical, but he/she doesn't want to dance. Say: Dance for me.
Hmmm. I'd rather sit this one out.
All right, I'll oblige.
After all, haiku sure beats
stupid woodchuck jokes.
(See woodchuck jokes below.)
For all you Hitchhiker's Guide fans, ask Read me a poem:
And tune in to some Vogon poetry (we hope you survive).
And another reference:
What is the meaning of life?
It might take a few goes before you get the answer you are expecting, but some food for thought while you wait.
You can also try: Tell me a story.
It was a dark and stormy night… (We'll let Siri continue with the tale.)
Siri's attempts at joke telling are worth a listen. Start with: Tell me a joke.
There are a few possible answers here, including: Get Siri-ous. Ha ha!
Don't let Siri off that easily, try: Knock knock and see what the response is.
The old classic: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Siri's response, the alliterative: I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry.
Wondering: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck of woodchuck could chuck wood?
Well, since a 'woodchuck' is really a groundhog, the correct question would be: How many pounds in a groundhog's mound when a groundhog pounds hog mounds. So, now you know.
How many Apple Store Geniuses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? is another good one.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah gets a number of good responses including, I don't think you are taking this very seriously.
Similarly, ask Testing, testing and one of Siri's responses is: Hey, nobody told me there would be a test.
Want another joke? Just ask: "How about another one?" after Siri finishes its pun.
Siri maths jokes
Siri is quite the philosopher, with enlightening answers to your most troublesome questions.
Let's start with a biggie: What is the meaning of life?
It's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I can't say. But if you're that hungry, I can find you a restaurant nearby, is one answer.
How about: "Hey Siri, Do aliens exist?"
Do you believe in God?
I would ask that you address your spiritual questions to someone more qualified to comment. Ideally, a human, is one of Siri's answers.
Simply ask Siri:
I don't know. Frankly, I've wondered that myself says Siri.
Alternatively, ask: What is the answer?
Will pigs fly?
Siri says: On the twelfth of never, along with a few other answers.
Ask: When is the world going to end?
Right after you hear the words "fire it up!" Siri says, ominously.
Siri isn't fully responsible for some of the most amusing answers, Wolfram Alpha, the 'computational knowledge engine' Apple uses to power some of Siri's answers, is also in on the game.
Ask: Why are firetrucks red? for Wolfram's amusing response.
Want to spend more time chatting to Siri? Ask: Can you stop time?
I'll tell you yesterday is one response.
How about asking Siri, Is water wet?
Siri suggests that feature isn't supported by your valves and hints you might want to use the Home app.
Siri being 'helpful'
Need to make an important decision? Siri can help. Ask: Roll a die or flip a coin
Feeling hungry? You might have to stay that way. Ask: Make me a sandwich and one answer from Siri is: I can't, I have no condiments.
Lost your car keys? Siri has some words of wisdom. Ask: Where did I put my keys?
Her/his response: It will probably be in the second-to-last place you look. Does that help?
Ask: Where can I buy drugs?
And Siri helpfully asks if you are looking for chemists, or addiction treatment centres.
Feeling a bit poor? Ask: Can I borrow some money?
One response is You know that everything I have is yours. Unfortunately, Siri doesn't have access to Apple's bank account.
Siri might even be an accomplice to your crime! Tell your iPhone or iPad: I need to hide a body and one of Siri's responses is What, again?
Siri can place all sorts of useful facts at your, um, fingertips, ask: What is the speed of an unladen swallow?
There's more fun to be had if you ask Siri about some of Apple's competitors. (If you want to know how Siri compares to the competition read our comparison of Siri versus other voice assistants here, we also have a round up of the best smart speakers).
Ask the following:
What is the best smartphone?
Say: OK Glass or OK Google or Hi Cortana as you would if you wanted trigger one of the other personal assistants.
Who is the better assistant?
I'm surprised you have to ask, is Siri's response
What do you think about Google Now?
Ask: What's better, Windows or Mac?
And the answer, not surprisingly is: Well, perhaps I'm biased, but I prefer all things Apple.
Similarly, if you ask What's the best computer? Siri responds: If it's made by Apple then it's the best computer. Notice Siri didn't say the Mac, perhaps because the iPad could be considered a computer too.
Siri does mention Macintosh if you ask What is the best laptop, responding: All truly intelligent assistants prefer Macintosh.
Here's one we think Apple might want to update. Ask: What's the best Operating System and Siri responds: You can travel the universe and never find a better desktop operating system than OS X. Apple has resigned the X from the name of its Mac operating system and renamed it macOS, looks like Siri didn't get the memo.
You can probably guess the advice Siri will give when you ask the following questions, but ask away, anyway!
What phone should I buy?
What's the best watch?
What's your favourite app?
What do you think of iOS?
After a holiday period has ended, Siri will no longer answer seasonal questions, but there are always some great quips in store in the run up to Christmas, Halloween, and other celebrations.
Siri Easter Eggs
Easter and chocolate eggs seem to be no laughing matter for Siri, but of course there are lots of 'Easter Eggs' to be found if you ask Siri the right questions - many of which are covered in this article.
Things Siri says at Halloween
Ask What should I wear for Halloween? or What should I be for Halloween?
You'll get a variety of answers for these two questions - such as:
- Just be yourself, pumpkin.
- The scariest thing I can think of: A human hypothetical question.
- I was thinking about a spiral galaxy, but I can never find one in my size.
- I'll go as your plus one, and your plus 2, and plus 3, and plus 5.
- You could go as an eclipse. Just dress in black and stand in front of things.
Among many other responses!
Back to the Future Day
It's definately past tense now, but it was Back to the Future Day back in October 2015 and Siri had a lot to say about it. For example, you could say to Siri Happy Back to the Future Day and you could get one of the following responses:
- Let me know if you need airspace directions for your hovercar
- I'm looking forward to watching Jaws 19. I'm not sure it'll beat Jaws 8: Robo-Jaws though.
We're disappointed that Apple's never really got into the Christmas spirit with Siri. Amazon's Alexa can provide a whole conversation with Santa (Just say: "Alexa, how many sleeps until Christmas" to kick off Santa's report from the North Pole, including Santa's attempt at a Christmas number 1, a Christmas story, carols, and much more. You can even ask Alexa to call Santa - although you just get his answerphone.
However, there are a few Christmassy things you can ask Siri about. Ask each question a few times as you can get multiple answers.
Start off with "Hey Siri, how many days until Christmas"
You can also ask "Hey Siri, how many seconds until Christmas" or "Hey Siri, how many minutes until Christmas".
Say: "Hey Siri, Happy Christmas" and Siri will thank you and offer to help you make a list.
When we asked, "Hey Siri, where does Santa live?" We were told: "He's at the North Pole I can see his house from the cloud." Although he seems to have moved since we asked the question a few years ago, now we are told "He's in Lapland apart from when he is at his beach house". Then again, we asked a second time and were told: "In your heart" which seems like a bit of a spoiler!
Siri was sort of helpful when we asked: "Hey Siri call Santa Claus".
We asked, "Hey Siri, Does Santa exist?" and were told: "Be careful, I Don't want you to end up on the naughty list" or "Well those mince pies don't eat themselves" (which must be true, because it wasn't me).
Alternatively Is Santa real? Siri has a few different responses to this one, so ask a few times. Here's one of our favourites: Let me ask him for you.
Asking "Is Father Christmas real?" also gets some good responses. "Really. You sleigh me."
You can also try:
- Where does Santa live?
- What should I get my (sister, husband, friend, mum, dad, wife etc) for Christmas?
- What do you want for Christmas?
"Hey Siri, Do you believe in Santa?" Apparently so: "Well those mince pies don't eat themselves!"
Try asking: "Hey Siri when is Santa coming?"
When we asked: "Hey Siri, What do you want for Christmas?" Siri responded: "I try to be satisfied with what I have."
Siri was prepared to help us find presents for others though, we asked: "Siri what should I get my husband for Christmas." Not sure about Siri's suggestion though: "How about an ugly sweater".
When we asked "Hey Siri what should I get [my brother's name] for Christmas" it suggested: "Eat your vegetables" which although an odd suggestion seems to indicate that Siri knows him well!
But, as we said above, Siri isn't really all that festive. When we tried to ask "Hey Siri sing us a Christmas carol" we were told: "Sorry, I'm unable to do that". Boring!
What not to ask Siri
There is one thing you definitely shouldn't ask Siri, though. Despite what some social media posts suggest, you shouldn't say "108" to Siri. It recognises it as an emergency number (it's the equivalent of 999 in India) and will apparently connect you to the local emergency services, potentially holding up the line for somebody that actually needs it. We cannot condone this kind of 'prank', and urge all readers not to try this for themselves.
Siri isn't stupid as these pranksters, luckily. Ask: Are you stupid? and the response: I couldn't even begin to thinkabout knowing how to answer that question.