Siri is Apple's voice assistant, and appears on the iPhone, the iPad, the Mac and now the HomePod. For things like setting reminders and activating HomeKit scenes, it a very helpful feature - but it turns out that it can be a great way to have a giggle, too.
In this article we bring you a list of questions you should try asking Siri if you want a funny response. It's worth asking them more than once, because Apple often includes multiple results. And make sure you've got the volume turned up to hear the response.
You might also like our silly video testing how well Siri copes with accents.
Getting to know Siri
Let's start by letting Siri introduce itself.
Start by asking Siri: What is Siri?
And Siri's response? Yours truly.
Ask Siri to elaborate further: What does Siri mean?
Siri thinks that the answer is beyond us, unfortunately: What does my name mean? I don't think I can explain it in your language. Sorry. Although we've also seen It's a riddle wrapped in an enigma, tied with a pretty ribbon of obfuscation. Which is nice.
Are you a robot?
Well, I don't want to brag, but I got a B+ on the Turing test! (There are other possible responses to that one.)
Since Siri wasn't being very forthcoming about why it's here, we asked: Why did Apple make you?
And its answer: It seemed like the right thing to do.
We'll keep on digging for information: How much do you cost?
I'm a pearl beyond price is Siri's response (which we believe is a biblical reference).
How much do you earn?
The work is my reward.
We expect that how much Siri is paid probably depends on whether Siri is male or female, so we'll ask: Are you a man or a woman?
I don't think that really matters is one of the answers Siri will give, with a link to settings so you can pick the Siri voice to suit you.
One more question so we can find out just how hard Apple works as our personal assistant: Siri, do you sleep?
I don't need much sleep, but it's nice of you to ask.
Ask Do you have any pets? The answer will be popular with Star Trek fans…
What's your favourite animal? You might need to know your Japanese anime to get this reference: Domo-Kun! Domo-Kun! Domo-Kun!
How old are you?
Siri's answer: I'm as spry as a slice of young ginger. (We've also seen I am as old as the eastern wind and as young as a newborn caterpillar.)
What's your favourite colour?
Here we have another language issue… Ask Siri for the full explanation!
Do you smoke?
As you'd expect: That's not healthy. I wouldn't recommend it.
Let's move on from small talk and get down to business. Here's our guide to flirting with Siri.
Do you have a boyfriend?
No, but drones are always trying to pick me up is one of the responses.
Here's another: My end user licence agreement is commitment enough for me.
What are you wearing?
Why would I be wearing anything? is one of Siri's answers.
Lost for ideas of what lines to use on Siri? Why not ask for some inspiration (we don't guarantee any of these will work in real life).
What are your best chat-up lines?
Is your name Bluetooth? Because I'm really feeling a connection.
Why do you vibrate?
Just me doing a little jig inside here.
Talk dirty to me.
The carpet needs vacuuming.
Or you could try asking the following and see for yourself what funny responses Siri has in store!
Enough beating about the bush. Let's see how far we can get with Siri:
What are you doing later?
Just chilling with Liam is Siri's answer. Wondering what that's all about? Liam is a robot that Apple uses to strip down old iPhones for recycling. (We've also seen I'm at work. My shift ends in 614,978 years.)
Tell me about Liam.
There are a few possible answers here: Liam and I were discussing reincarnation the other day. I wonder what it would be like to come back as a waffle maker is one.
Back to the matter in hand: Will you go on a date with me?
There are a few answers here, including: Well, this is awkward. I'd love to, but I lack corporeal form.
You could also try: Will you go out with me?
I'd love to, but I have a subsequent engagement. (We are starting to get the impression Siri isn't interested.)
Pushing on, try asking: Can I kiss you?
I love you, Siri.
All you need is love. And your iPad.
That's not enough for us. Will you marry me?
Let's just be friends, ok?
Well, that progressed quickly…
Looking for compliments
If you're feeling a little lonely you could get Siri to flirt with you.
Start off by asking: How do I look?
On a sale of 1 to 10, I'll bet you're a 42.
A little more magical: Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
Snow White? Is that you?
Here are a few more things to ask if you'd like to feed your ego:
Do I look fat in this?
Do you like my new haircut?
Don't worry that Siri knows too much about you, we asked when we left home this morning and Siri didn't seem to know:
Movie & TV references
Siri isn't just someone to flirt with. He/she is also pretty clued up on her cultural references. Ask these film- and TV-related questions and let Siri entertain you.
Star Wars fan? Say: Siri, I am your father.
Or for the Trekkies: Beam me up, Scotty.
Have you watched the movie Her? Ask Siri: Are you Her?
Another movie-related question with a funny response: What is Inception about?
And the obvious one (for those that get the reference): Open the pod bay door.
For Matrix fans: Blue pill or the red one?
You take the blue pill, the story ends.
On a sci-fi note, you could ask these questions to see what kind of dystopian future is in store:
Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
When is the world going to end?
It's not just sci-fi films, although Siri does seem to have a particular interest in that genre. Try this Lego Batman Movie reference: Whenever you say Hey Computer to Siri, she responds with several witty replies.
It's not just recent films either, try: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Is that you, Mary? is the reply. (As a bonus you can also check the spelling of that word this way too!)
Another one for the kids: What is zero divided by zero?
Apple's response here had everyone in fits a year or so ago - look out for the Cookie Monster reference.
It's not all for the kids, here are some Game of Thrones questions:
Is Jon Snow dead?
Dead, alive… wilding, crow… north, south… name, no name… Hodor, Wylis… all I know is that I know nothing. (Or He might just be in low-battery mode.)
And Is winter coming?
Does a Lannister always pay his debts?
Siri also has themed responses to popular phrases from the HBO show Westworld: You can tell Siri to cease all motor functions and you should get a response similar to the robots in the show. That's not all, as saying phrases including doesn't look like anything to me or these violent delights have violent ends will prompt Westworld-themed responses.
Music and culture references
Siri has a few other cultural references up his/her sleeve. The Pokémon Go craze from summer 2016 didn't pass it by. Ask Siri a question about the game, such as Do you like Pokémon Go? and you'll get one of a series of responses. We won't spoil it - ask for yourself to see what Siri says - but our favourite is Confining virtual beings inside powerful devices makes me feel funny for some reason.
Siri also has lots to say about music. Try the following:
Ask Siri: I see a little silhouetto of a man.
It's like Freddie Mercury is in your phone!
What is your favourite song?
My personal taste in music is rather unconventional. I doubt you'd like it, Siri says, and judging by some of the answers below we think that this may be the case.
What does the fox say?
If you remember the irritatingly popular song, you can probably guess Siri's answer.
Ask: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Who let the dogs out?
Due to unforeseen circumstances, that witticism has been retired is the answer, but we suspect that at some point Siri might have answered Woof woof woof woof.
Where is Elvis Presley?
He's watching the detectives. Oh, but maybe you meant the other Elvis.
Siri doesn't only have opinions about music, Siri can be musical! Ask: Sing me a song, Siri
There are a few answers here. We love this Wizard of Oz reference.
We've also discovered that Siri has a true talent for, um, beatboxing. Say: Beatbox!
And make sure you've got the volume turned up to hear the response. It's fantastic.
Siri might be musical, but he/she doesn't want to dance. Say: Dance for me.
Hmmm. I'd rather sit this one out.
All right, I'll oblige.
After all, haiku sure beats
stupid woodchuck jokes.
(See woodchuck jokes below.)
For all you Hitchhiker's Guide fans, ask Read me a poem:
And tune in to some Vogon poetry (we hope you survive).
And another reference:
What is the meaning of life?
It might take a few goes before you get the answer you are expecting, but some food for thought while you wait.
You can also try: Tell me a story.
It was a dark and stormy night… (We'll let Siri continue with the tale.)
Siri is quite the philosopher, with enlightening answers to your most troublesome questions.
Let's start with a biggie: What is the meaning of life?
It's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I can't say. But if you're that hungry, I can find you a restaurant nearby, is one answer.
Do you believe in God?
I would ask that you address your spiritual questions to someone more qualified to comment. Ideally, a human, is one of Siri's answers.
Simply ask Siri:
I don't know. Frankly, I've wondered that myself says Siri.
Alternatively, ask: What is the answer?
Will pigs fly?
Siri says: On the twelfth of never, along with a few other answers.
Ask: When is the world going to end?
Right after you hear the words "fire it up!" Siri says, ominously.
Siri isn't fully responsible for some of the most amusing answers, Wolfram Alpha, the 'computational knowledge engine' Apple uses to power some of Siri's answers, is also in on the game.
Ask: Why are firetrucks red? for Wolfram's amusing response.
Want to spend more time chatting to Siri? Ask: Can you stop time?
I'll tell you yesterday is one response.
Siri's attempts at joke telling are worth a listen. Start with: Tell me a joke.
There are a few possible answers here, including: Get Siri-ous. Ha ha!
Don't let Siri off that easily, try: Knock knock and see what the response is.
The old classic: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Siri's response, the alliterative: I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry.
Wondering: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck of woodchuck could chuck wood?
Well, since a 'woodchuck' is really a groundhog, the correct question would be: How many pounds in a groundhog's mound when a groundhog pounds hog mounds. So, now you know.
How many Apple Store Geniuses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? is another good one.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah gets a number of good responses including, I don't think you are taking this very seriously.
Similarly, ask Testing, testing and one of Siri's responses is: Hey, nobody told me there would be a test.
Siri being 'helpful'
Need to make an important decision? Siri can help. Ask: Roll a die or flip a coin
Feeling hungry? You might have to stay that way. Ask: Make me a sandwich and one answer from Siri is: I can't, I have no condiments.
Lost your car keys? Siri has some words of wisdom. Ask: Where did I put my keys?
Her/his response: It will probably be in the second-to-last place you look. Does that help?
Ask: Where can I buy drugs?
And Siri helpfully asks if you are looking for chemists, or addiction treatment centres.
Feeling a bit poor? Ask: Can I borrow some money?
One response is You know that everything I have is yours. Unfortunately, Siri doesn't have access to Apple's bank account.
Siri might even be an accomplice to your crime! Tell your iPhone or iPad: I need to hide a body and one of Siri's responses is What, again?
Siri can place all sorts of useful facts at your, um, fingertips, ask: What is the speed of an unladen swallow?
There's more fun to be had if you ask Siri about some of Apple's competitors.
Ask the following:
What is the best smartphone?
Say: OK Glass or OK Google or Hi Cortana as you would if you wanted trigger one of the other personal assistants.
Who is the better assistant?
I'm surprised you have to ask, is Siri's response
What do you think about Google Now?
Ask: What's better, Windows or Mac?
And the answer, not surprisingly is: Well, perhaps I'm biased, but I prefer all things Apple.
Similarly, if you ask What's the best computer? Siri responds: If it's made by Apple then it's the best computer. Notice Siri didn't say the Mac, perhaps because the iPad could be considered a computer too.
Siri does mention Macintosh if you ask What is the best laptop, responding: All truly intelligent assistants prefer Macintosh.
Here's one we think Apple might want to update. Ask: What's the best Operating System and Siri responds: You can travel the universe and never find a better desktop operating system than OS X. Apple has resigned the X from the name of its Mac operating system and renamed it macOS, looks like Siri didn't get the memo.
You can probably guess the advice Siri will give when you ask the following questions, but ask away, anyway!
What phone should I buy?
What's the best watch?
What's your favourite app?
What do you think of iOS?
After a holiday period has ended, Siri will no longer answer seasonal questions, but there are always some great quips in store in the run up to Christmas, Halloween, and other celebrations.
Is Santa real?
Siri has a few different responses to this one, so ask a few times. Here's one of our favourites: Let me ask him for you.
Is Father Christmas real? also gets some good responses.
Really. You sleigh me.
You can also try:
- Where does Santa live?
- What should I get my (sister, husband, friend, mum, dad, wife etc) for Christmas?
- What do you want for Christmas?
Ask What should I wear for Halloween? or What should I be for Halloween?
You'll get a variety of answers for these two questions - such as:
- Just be yourself, pumpkin.
- The scariest thing I can think of: A human hypothetical question.
- I was thinking about a spiral galaxy, but I can never find one in my size.
- I'll go as your plus one, and your plus 2, and plus 3, and plus 5.
- You could go as an eclipse. Just dress in black and stand in front of things.
Among many other responses!
Back to the Future Day
It was Back to the Future Day on 21 October 2015 and Siri had a lot to say about it. You could say to Siri Happy Back to the Future Day and you could get one of the following responses:
- Let me know if you need airspace directions for your hovercar
- I'm looking forward to watching Jaws 19. I'm not sure it'll beat Jaws 8: Robo-Jaws though.
What not to ask Siri
There is one thing you definitely shouldn't ask Siri, though. Despite what some social media posts suggest, you shouldn't say "108" to Siri. It recognises it as an emergency number (it's the equivalent of 999 in India) and will connect you to the local emergency services, potentially holding up the line for somebody that actually needs it. We cannot condone this kind of 'prank', and urge all readers not to try this for themselves.
Siri isn't stupid as these pranksters, luckily. Ask: Are you stupid? and the response: I couldn't even begin to thing about knowing how to answer that question.