Dear iPhone, 

Why oh why do you never guess my text right? How often can one use 'nit' instead of 'not,' nor prefer my word over 'shot'? Does 'duck' really have precedence?

Why do you make me type 'shell' instead of 'she'll' but won't let me write 'hell,' only 'he'll'?

Please do not go into sleep mode because there is still more I need to unload...

I have always 'been' and not 'Bern,' oh when will you ever learn?

When 'things' turn into 'thugs' do you really feel I'm a mug, do you really think that is part of my vocabulary?

Whatever happened to your keyboard capabilities which were said to be smart? Is this the result of many a brain fart?

I can spell and I can type but my words you fail to get right.

For this ducking anguish you've made me feel, it has Bern no less than he'll.

All I am asking is to be free of all typos without the urge of ever having to turn psycho, with your slender rectangular self.

For these thugs are nit necessary, really quite on the contrary, so please re-read your manual before I give you another commentary.

Please, iPhone, for it's you on which my social life depends, therefore I would so like for us to be friends.

I need help to text and to email, all the time, without fail. For if it does not cease and I continue to be annoyed, I may be forced to replace you with an Android. Failing that a nice shiny Blackberry would also make me very merry.

I hope you have paid heed and will now take the lead in correcting your error. In all honesty, I do not feel I could have been any fairer. What do you say, what do you do? Please stop ducking passing me off, you silly fool.