Samsung announced it was staring down the maw of a 60 percent reduction in quarterly profits, so you know what that means.
No, you do. Look inside yourself. You have always known. It has been there waiting for this moment to blossom like a beautiful flower. A beautiful and stupid flower.
That's 24/7 Wall Street asking the tough questions. The tough questions to comprehend. This piece is so ridiculous that the byline just reads "24/7 Wall Street." No one was willing to put their name on it. It is possible they have some kind of bot that churns these things out, like the Apple Clickbait Generator.
If there is any justice in this universe then this article will be one word long: "No." Then there will just be some white space to give you time to reflect. So, let's see if there's any justice in the universe.
Samsung Electronics posted unusually weak numbers...
NOPE. No justice. That's it. Shut the universe down. We'll never get any satisfaction here. We'll just have to wait for the eventual collapse of all matter into a single point and another big bang so we can try again in the next universe.
...in a forecast for third-quarter results. Operating income will be down about 60% to $3.8 billion. Since most of its sales derive from smartphones, it would be fair to ask if the announcement is bad news for major rival Apple Inc.
No! No, it actually would not! You are wrong. Sorry about that. Actually, no, not sorry. Not even a bit.
The answer is probably not.
No! The answer is an emphatic "NO!", shouted with the deafening resolve of one of the old gods materializing as a giant in one of its temples to squash its errant followers into naught but jelly and togas.
However, Android is the feature that will push many Galaxy Note 4 sales.
Really? The Macalope's admittedly not a good judge of this. Certainly some people are serious Android fans, but it seems like what really drives the majority of Android phone sales are price and "features" such as larger screens.
You know what won't push Galaxy Note 4 sales? That gross gap between the display and the frame.
Android has become the dominant operating system, both in the United States and in many large countries around the world.
It's closest in the U.S. where iOS has a 42 percent share compared to Android's 52 percent.
It has beaten down the market share of Apple's iOS, which has been updated recently in an attempt to steal some of Android's thunder.
Oh, totally. Except that most Android users are still on Jelly Bean, which was released in mid-2014. Kit Kat adoption is only just approaching 30 percent. Even iOS 8's relatively slow adoption for new iOS releases is at 47 percent. What good's thunder if you can't use it?
It's about as useful as this article.