Want to hear something really scary? ZDNet's Ken Hess says the calls to buy an Apple Watch are coming from inside the house!

"My wife wants an Apple Watch. What's a hater to do?" (tip o' the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

Write a column about it, apparently.

On Father's Day, after I'd opened my new GoPro Hero action camera, my wife informs me that she wants an Apple Watch.

Father's Day = ruined.

She didn't realize that "They're only $349". Only!? By a show of hands, how many of you think that $349 is somehow cheap?

Well, it's all relative, right? Which your wife just proved.

You know, could you just put her on? This would probably go smoother.

But, this isn't about me...

You say that but... here we are.

...it's about my wife and her desire for an Apple Watch.

And how wrong and horrible that is.

I don't really care for wearables, especially so-called smart watches.

If that's even their real name!

If they're so smart, why do you have to constantly tether them to your phone?

If dogs are so smart, why can't they add and subtract fractions? If dolphins are so smart, why haven't they listened to Serial? If bonobos are so smart, why weren't they part of the original Planet of the Apes movies? Huh?!

I already have a phone, so why do I need the watch, if I also have to have my phone too?

Well, the idea is that the Watch acts as a filter for the phone. You can tailor your notifications so that you just get those are more likely to be actionable or informative. Your phone stays in your pocket and you can keep walking the dog, writing, hang gliding, ultimate fighting or whatever it is you're doing. At its best, it's designed to reduce the friction created by that action of pulling your phone out 4,000 times during your ascent of K2. That, along with the fitness tracking, electronic payment and other features, may not be worth $349 to you and that's OK. But it doesn't mean it's not worth it to someone else.

She wants an Apple Watch because she wants to be able to lay her phone down, walk away and still receive email notifications, text notifications, and possibly answer her phone with it.

All valid use cases. Which make Hess so mad.

She also wants the fitness app connection on the Apple Watch. Apparently it has a lot of fitness features that she likes. Florence Griffith Joyner didn't need one to be the fastest woman of all time.

Uh, yeah, but she probably did have a collection of top-notch trainers who did things like track her time, distance and heart rate. The Apple Watch certainly isn't a complete replacement for a trainer but those trainers probably cost a heck of a lot more than $349.

Also, is that our standard now? "Shakespeare didn't need clean drinking water and a plague-free environment to write Romeo and Juliet!"

My wife wants an Apple Watch, or rather, requires one under the guise of, "Honey, you can write about it, if I get one". Oh yeah, let me get right on that.

Uh, you know you're literally doing that right now and she doesn't even have it yet, right? She's that good. She deserves a nice watch.

I haven't seen an Apple Watch in real life yet.

Then your hatred of it is certainly well-placed.

I'm pretty sure everything that can be said about the Apple Watch has already been said.

Well, to date the Macalope hadn't heard "My wife wants one and it makes me so mad!" yet, so maybe not.

We don't all have to like the same things. The Macalope's pal, Dan Moren, likes his Amazon Echo while the thought of having our shopping overlords listening to the Macalope's every word gives him both the heebies and the jeebies. As well as some kind of rash he can't even identify. It doesn't bother the Macalope when someone buys an Android phone or a Windows PC. Heck, he'll even recommend them depending on the user's need and budget.

To the Macalope, the Apple Watch is not nearly as transformative as the iPhone was, but he still find it useful and even fun. Not having a use for something yourself doesn't mean it's not useful to someone else. Even someone close to you.